River Island Wrap

No Cure For Lonliness: VfB Stuttgart Postmatch Wrap

On the last home match before Christmas, when the Werder crest becomes a tannenbaum, the club raises awareness about old-age lonliness, and the the men on the field make us feel empty inside. 
Jim and Christian do what they can to avoid talking about the game, but it can't be helped. 
Is Horst in trouble, is the team in crisis, why does everything look so broken all of a sudden? 
Nobody is panicking in these parts, but the slump we all knew was coming is here. It's time to see how Horst handles the pressure. 
The left back debacle, a kicktipp update, a special midyear wrap announcement, and wait, shouldn't Stark have been suspended, all on this week's wrap. 

Welcome To Failureville: HSV Postmatch Wrap

Bremen blow a first half lead and drop the first Nordderby with all the fixings since 2017. Jim's Bears blow an NFL Derby for first place in the division. Jim also fails at podcast producing. Failure all around. 
Jim and Christian discuss the game, and it seems like Positive Christian may have had passport issues when trying to leave Mexico. Christian sets us straight on why Champions League is not a realistic option, and why magical nights in Conference League locales might be the best thing for Werder. Plus, is it time for Horst to stop trying to make fetch happen? 
Then the guys explore what a sale of Karim Coulibaly could mean for the future makeup of the squad. We like Amos Pieper, but do we like like him? And shoutout Amanda Seyfried. 
All that and more on the Nordderby edition of the wrap. 

El Mala-ncholy: Köln Postmatch Wrap

Bremen see their home win streak snapped in added time and enter Nordderby Week with a 1-1 draw against 1. FC Köln. 
Christian reveals how he made it back alive and whether Mexico has anything as Bundesliga friendly as a Colombian Hooters, while Jim gets back to his tale of making friends in the airport and why a corkscrew dildo was a crucial component. 
Most importantly, they preview the Nordderby and Christian lays out a bunch of great reasons to hate HSV. A couple quick would-you-rathers are tossed about, including one with a belt sander, and the gents get serious for just a moment to remember the darkest day in Nordderby history.
Enough Quatsch to overtop the Osterdeich at low tide on this week's edition of the River Island Wrap. 

Pigeons on the Pitch: RasenBallsport Leipzig Postmatch Wrap

Christian is in Mexico, Jim is in Las Vegas, pigeons are on the pitch, and the moments of brilliance are in Ole's favor when Bremen take on the "club" sponsored by a Swiss marketing concern. 
A delayed Wrap explains itself, runs afoul of the cartels, can't hedge its bets, and lets listeners behind the curtain on whaaaa happened during attempts to produce this episode. 
Also, nuggets on his time at Bremen from a long-form interview Ole Werner did with the german podcast Phrasen Mäher (which Jim misnames multiple times - Macher, Mächer, Maher).
 
 

Der SensenHorst: Wolfsburg Postmatch Wrap

Horst and Werder send another Bundesliga manager to the Jobcenter line after a thrilling late rally under the Friday night floodlights at the Weserstadion. 
Jim and Christian discuss the victory, including appreciation for Jens Stage and Yuki Sugawara, a rundown of Keke Topp's touches in his first start of the season, and what they thought of the changes to Horst's starting eleven. 
Jim addresses his previous comments about pyrotechnics and the gents discuss fan culture more broadly, including proposals from German authorities and how fan groups are pushing back. 
Then it's time for more Nordderby quatsch. A frau gets fined, a foot as a monument, and who might make a subject for a statue on the banks of the Weser. 
International football, peace prizes, and what the pod has planned for the big reunion with our old pal Ole are also on the menu as the Wrap runs through the tape before the international break. 
 

Big Stage in Karneval City : Mainz05 Postmatch Wrap

Werder travel to the southernmost of the traditional Karneval cities for a clash with Mainz 05 and need a moment of brilliance from Jens Stage to escape with a draw.
Jim and Christian discuss the match, including Horst's smooth subs, problems in the final third, more top play from the back, Topp finding his way back to the pitch, and the latest shoutout to HSV from the guest bloc. 
Bremen executives make a trip to address a prominent Bremen fan club and the gents weigh in on what they heard and ask whether last minute transfers are the way of the future for Werder. Jim wonders why fire and noxious fumes are considered untouchable tradition, and Christian sets him straight. 
New additions to the Werder family in Bremen and North America, a kicktipp update, and a look ahead to Wolfsburg and whether Horst the Reaper can send another chap to the jobcenter. 
 
 

Friday Night LED Floodlights: Union Berlin Postmatch Wrap

Werder Bremen took on Union Berlin under the brand new floodlights at the Weserstadion in the Matchday 8 lid lifter Friday night. 
Jim and Christian recap the match, discuss exactly how Horsty they are, and celebrate the opposition support before getting into the good and bad of the match. 
They also return to the question of rivalry in football, especially with scheisse HSV, Big Vic's debut,  and whether Stephen Baumgart might be a secret Taylor Swift ex. 
Then the internet gets its revenge and tries to silence the best and worst English language analysis of Werder Bremen football on the internet today. 
The Week 8 Wrap is here for the people. No matter who tries to stop us. 
 

Swabian Sister Smooch: Heidenheim Postmatch Wrap

After sleepwalking through most of the first half, Bremen squander two second half leads and leave Heidenheim with a disappointing draw. 
After catching up on what they did during the international break, Jim and Christian discuss the match, including ups and negatives, players playing out of position, and paternity leave.
The Frauen Nordderby is the impetus for a discussion about when it's ok to celebrate against your old team, and whether the children need protecting from derby shennanigans. 
Clemens Fritz is talking to reporters again, and that can't be good for anyone. 
Some talk about finances and valuations, too. 
Cheeseburger eggrolls, vexillology, fun with fascists, and whether it's rude or just Dutch all get a nod on this weeks Wrap. 
 

The Friendly Side of Hamburg: St. Pauli Postmatch Wrap

 After a rousing start, Bremen adjust their setup slightly and hold on for a 1-0 victory against the Hamburg neighbor you can respect.
Jim and Christian discuss their respective days out to watch football with two different sets of St. Pauli supporters, how a Covic sighting might have created a football house-divided in Toronto, Jens Stage's 100th appearance with the Green Whites, fan reaction from Germany, and other assorted quatsch.
Touchline fashion, professional suplexes, and Naby Keita comparisons all get the treatment on this week's wrap.

Bavari-ugh: Bayern München Postmatch Wrap

Bremen travel to Bavaria for their annual football enema and things go exactly as expected.
Horst stays away from the lederhosen, but both style and substance belong to the hosts.
Jim and Christian look for the positives in the aftermath of a moneybomb exploding all over the Green Whites. 
Then they turn to Big Vic and his socials for some expected comic relief that turns into a lesson on Nigeria/Ghana relations. 
A rough wrap, maybe problematic, never afraid.